THE SEMI OPENAI TIMES

LONDON • WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 17, 2025

PRIVACY POLICY & DATA PROTECTION

— YOUR RIGHTS IN THE AGE OF ELECTRONIC BRAINS —

EDITORIAL NOTICE: This is a satirical website. News are extracted from online sources and rethemed as a 1950s style news. Company names are used for satirical purposes only. No affiliation with any mentioned companies.

DATA COLLECTION

In this modern age of electronic brains and calculating machines, we at The Semi OpenAI Times are committed to protecting your personal information with the same diligence that our forebears protected state secrets during the war.

We collect only the most essential information necessary to operate our electronic newspaper: your device's address (IP), the pages you peruse, and the time you spend reading our articles. This data helps us understand which stories most interest our readership, much as a newsagent might note which papers sell best.

LEGAL BASIS

Under the General Data Protection Regulation (GDPR), we process your personal data on the basis of legitimate interest. Our interest lies in providing you with the finest satirical news coverage, whilst your interest lies in being informed about the latest developments in artificial intelligence.

COOKIES & TRACKING

Our electronic newspaper employs small files called "cookies" to remember your preferences and improve your reading experience. These are no more sinister than the bookmarks one might place in a physical newspaper, though we understand they may seem mysterious to those unfamiliar with modern computing.

YOUR RIGHTS

As a citizen of the European Union, you possess certain inalienable rights regarding your personal data, much as you possess rights regarding your property or person.

YOUR DATA RIGHTS

• Access: Request a copy of your personal data
• Rectification: Correct any inaccurate information
• Erasure: Request deletion of your data
• Portability: Receive your data in a portable format
• Objection: Object to processing of your data
• Restriction: Limit how we process your data

DATA SECURITY

We protect your information with the same care that the Bank of England protects the nation's gold reserves. Our electronic vaults are secured with the latest cryptographic methods, ensuring that your data remains safe from prying eyes.

THIRD PARTIES

We may share your data with trusted partners who help us deliver our electronic newspaper, such as our hosting providers and analytics services. These partners are bound by strict confidentiality agreements and may not use your data for purposes other than those we have specified.

DATA RETENTION

We retain your personal data only for as long as necessary to fulfill the purposes outlined in this policy, or as required by law. Like a newspaper archive, we may keep certain information for historical or statistical purposes, but always in an anonymized form that cannot identify you personally.

INTERNATIONAL TRANSFERS

Some of our service providers may be located outside the European Economic Area. When we transfer your data internationally, we ensure appropriate safeguards are in place to protect your information, much as diplomatic couriers protect sensitive documents during international travel.

CONTACT THE EDITOR

For questions about this privacy policy or to exercise your data rights, please contact our Data Protection Officer

You also have the right to lodge a complaint with the Information Commissioner's Office (ICO) if you believe we have not handled your personal data appropriately.

This privacy policy was last updated on September 17, 2025. We reserve the right to update this policy as our electronic newspaper evolves. Any changes will be published in this space with due notice to our readership.